Quit with Grace and Dignity

Years ago, I wrote about the general etiquette on quitting. It was really autobiographical; I was resigning from my job then. The spirit of that process was simple: keep it professional. It is easier said than done. Since then, I have encountered counter-examples of that practice.

Call them the sins of quitting:

• Exposé: you gave your two-weeks notice and it felt good. You have a lot on your chest and you wanted to vent. So you wrote this long email message and let it all out: all the dirty laundry, all the bad management decisions, all the stupidity that someone should fix, all those morons that someone should fire.

  Don’t send it. Leave that in your draft folder and quietly delete it. Write something that is like a eulogy for your loved one: warm, sad, loving, positive, a bit of a laugh. Unlike what you think, all your employers will come back to your life in the future. You don’t want to face the bridges that you torched long ago. Your bosses, past and future, actually know each other.

  LinkedIn and Facebook work in mysterious ways.

• Sage Advice: The boss should have reorganized, started some initiatives, promoted certain individuals, streamlined those processes, funded those projects, etc. Those are things you have thought long and hard about, and are convinced are the right things to do. It is a shame that your ideas will be forever lost now that you will be leaving. After all, when you talked about them in your farewell parties, everyone encouraged you to bring them up to the powers that be.

  Don’t.

  There must be reasons that you held back and did not bring them forward. What were these reasons? Most likely, you did not think them through or felt you did not have all the information. If something is obviously the right thing to do, there are only two reasons that they are not done yet: other people are stupid, or they are not really the right things to do.

• Threaten to quit: Never say, “I will quit unless you give me what I want.” If you wish something changed, your salary, bonus, stock options, days of vacations, better office location, or whatever, just negotiate. If that fails, start looking for a job that will give you what you want. Your boss may yield to your ultimatum, but it will ruin the rapport and kill your career.

• Counter-offer fishing: you explore the job market, some opportunities knock, you explore some more, and landed a job offer. It is not bad, but you are not that excited. So you go to the boss and said, “Hey, I got a job offer from so-and-so. If you match their offer, I will stay.”

  This is really just a variation of the previous sin, except that you have actually got an offer in hand which makes it not an idle threat. Nine out of ten times, you boss will simply let you go. For that one in ten that he/she matches the offer, he/she will also start replacing you immediately.

• Act like a spoiled kid: you asked for a favor — work from home, shiny toys, a short-term loan, leniency on expense reports, special treatment, or whatever — your boss gave it to you. Later, you got a job offer, you walked into his/her office and said, “You are a great boss. I appreciate what you’ve done for me. But I got a better job. Bye.”

  Really!? When you asked for those favors, you crossed the professional line. Now the relationship is no longer employer/employee, but something more personal. If you betray that, you are being an ungrateful jerk or a spoiled brat. Your boss will never hire you again and will forever hold the grudge.

Write a short and professional resignation letter. Don’t send it. Walk into your boss’s office and resign. Praise everyone profusely, but be firm on your intention. Go back to your office and send the letter. Work hard to transition or train your successor.