Since when I became a fatherly figure? Guess I should have seen that coming when I became a father 20 something years ago. Sigh…
Had several conversations with young couples several weekends ago. The topic centered around relationship, commitment, and marriage: a rite of passage for every generations. The concepts are familar: experimentation is an entitlement for youth; relationship does not need a piece of paper to prove; commitment is in the hearts, certificate not required. I maybe old-fashioned (or just plain old), but I am pragmatic too.
Everyone knows that life is a one-way path; one cannot travel back in time and change what happened. Life, therefore, cannot be experimented. Experimentation implies the possibility to scratch and restart, to wipe clean the slate, or to do-over. That is simply not possible. You have already aged, relation has happened, emotions felt, and friends all knew. All important life decisions should be done carefully. Study up thoroughly, filter out gross defects, consult with the experienced. When time comes, there is no other way than commit and decide. Arrangement to make it seem possible weakens the decision and will contribute to the eventual failure.
Of course, there are stages of relationship in which no one get hurt too much if it does not work out: not calling after the 1st date, breaking-ups in various stages of relationship, etc. Society also allow reversals: divorce or anullment. But the point is simple: if the damage of separation is about the same, then a commitment holds up the relationship better than without one, therefore, why not choose it to have a better chance of success?
Put it differently, wouldn’t not committing an anticipation for failure? A long-term relationship requires whole-hearted devotion to maintain. The experimental mind-set from the on-set undermines the very basis of a long-term relationship. If a couple agree to experiment, they might as well admin not ready and stay at short-term level.
The hurt is not less painful out of a long-term experiment or commitment.