Silicon valley does not have black-tie events, at least I have never been to one. Whatever function, you can pretty much show up as “business casual” — jacket, dress pants, shoes, shirt but no tie. When I learned the event in Beijing has a black-tie dress code, I researched to make sure. I needed to wear a bow-tie and a “dinner jacket” or tuxedo. The bow-tie does not need to be black.
Bow-tie? There are three kinds: clip-on, pre-tied, and do-it-yourself. Clip-on bow-ties are for kids and not cool. Most people buy “pre-tied” ones — perfectly tied and look exactly like the real one. I bought a real one: black too.
That provided the family entertainments for few days.
The instructions are hard to decipher. After practicing on an imaginary neck, on my knee, and on my wife’s wrists, I managed something that looks like a bow-tie. But even after I have lengthened it to the maximum, it still chokes my windpipe. Too small! Does bow-tie come with sizes?
A trip back to the store answered the question definitively. “We carry only one size. Sir,” said the salesperson. “And we have sold it to people whose necks are bigger than yours.” OK, I got the hint. I will practice more.
By this time, my kid and her friend have declared it stupid (translate: they could not make it work). I am getting the general accusatory hint of, “You should have bought a pre-tied one.” But I am now stubbornly obsessed. When no one is around, I practiced in front of the mirror. It became easier. Make a knot, make a loop, tighten, tuck, and adjust.
The event came and I managed a quite passable and comfortable bow-tie on my neck. Of nearly 100 or so adult male in the event, I counted about 5 bow-ties. One looked real; others are definitely pre-tied. It was a fun night: swinging music, pleasant company, and delicious foods.
The return of investing so much time practicing an obscure skill that is not likely to be applied frequently is not high. I thought of the great female gender that makes such investments frequently (a dress, a swim-suit, an accessory, a hair-do, etc.). The thought did not last long. I collapsed into my home pillow (so nice). It is nice to spend an evening with my loved ones: Bow-tie or not.